Sands is for Dad’s Too
I am and always will be Jake's Dad
It is terribly hard to come to terms with losing a child at or soon after birth.
Being the father of a stillborn baby is tough, perhaps one of the toughest experiences we will ever have to deal with, but deal with it we must for the sake of our partners.
Although 'us blokes' don't think it is good to show our emotions because it may be perceived as a weakness, I genuinely believe that it takes even greater courage to show emotion and deal with the trauma that the death of a baby brings.
Sands has given me the opportunity to share my experience with others (mainly women) who have also suffered the loss of a baby.
Whilst I realise that we handle grief in a different way from our partners, we must be there to support each other in any way we can, because we have suffered a terrible tragedy too. We have the right to be there and discuss our thoughts and feelings.
I don’t feel the need to be at every meeting, but we decided from the beginning that we were going to be there for each other, always. I admit at the start I went just to be there for my wife, but now I go because I want to be there.
Both Rachel and I now were jointly Chair the North Herts Sands Group in 2007 and on the Committee for 2008 and find this rewarding in that we can look to help others who have suffered as we have.
I would strongly urge other dads to consider coming along to a Sands monthly meeting, if nothing else it could help you to understand more about how your partner is feeling and to share your thoughts and ideas with other empathetic people.
All the best
Men do Cry
I heard quite often "men don't cry"
Though no one ever told me why
So when I fell and skinned a knee
No one came to comfort me.
As I grew to reasoned years
I learned to stifle any tears
Through "Be a big boy" it began
Quite soon I learned to "be a man".
Then one long night I stood nearby
And helplessly watched my son die
And quickly found to my surprise
That all the tearless talk was lies
And still I cry and have no shame
I cannot play that "big boy" game
And openly, without remorse
I let my sorrow take its course.
So those of you who can't abide
A man you've seen whose often cried
Reach out to him with all your heart
As one whose life's been torn apart.
For men do cry when they can see
Their loss of immortality
And tears will come in endless streams
When mindless fate destroys their dreams